It's been a while since I have written because I haven't felt like I have had anything profound to share. It's been a blur of taking each day as they come and surviving the waves as they show up. Mostly the grief and sadness is manageable, but there are days [or weeks], like this past one, where I'm back at square one. Square one for me is the absolute disbelief that this is real life and that they aren't coming back. How is it possible it's been ten months without Stephanie and five without Keith? I was looking at a photo slideshow of Stephanie and it was like I was realizing all over again that there will be no more new memories, I will not see that smile or hear that laugh again this side of heaven. These realizations are suffocating and I can only describe it as utter despair and devastation. I'm pretty decent at managing the tears and holding them back until I can be alone to let them fall freely and when I don't have to worry about the effect