My Second Angel

It's been two weeks to the day, and I'm still in so much disbelief. On February 1st at 11:43 a.m. my father-in-law suddenly passed away. Keith was a healthy, young 58, he counted his calories, walked three times a day, and never smoked. He had been fighting what we thought was just a bad cold. Having been to the doctor already, he went on Monday, January 29th, thinking it was pneumonia. Tuesday we found out it was a tumor. Wednesday we found out it was stage 4 lung cancer and nothing could be done.  By Thursday he was gone. Ironically, we found out it was cancer the same day we found out about Stephanie’s tumor the year prior. Quite frankly, that part still feels like a sick joke. 

How does this happen and how do you wrap your mind around losing two precious people within four months of each other? How do you go on a double-date with your in-laws on a Friday night, and then lose one of them less than a week later?

I'm still in so much shock but I wanted to write this because I wanted to tell you how amazing Keith was. Keith wasn't just a father-in-law to me, he was another Dad. There’s usually a negative stigma for in-laws, but that’s not the case for me. Mine are #goals. Keith and Polly opened their arms and hearts to me from day one. Moving to Missouri was really tough for me, but Keith and Polly took me under their wing. They even let me (AND my crazy cat) move in with them while Kyle was back in forth to a different city for training. Keith and Polly aren't just Kyle's parents, they are my best friends here. Keith took care of my car, gave me awesome directions every time I got lost, listened to me cry as I struggled to find my place here in Missouri, and patiently watched me try to hit a golf ball five to eight times before making contact, while STILL making me feel like I did something awesome when I finally managed to hit the ball a mere ten feet. 

I changed jobs about eight months ago, and I now work for the same employer Keith did. We would IM each other frequently and I loved to come bug him at his desk. I hope he knew how much I adored him. Keith is known for his quiet nature, but he is so much more than that. He is incredibly patient, calculated, loving, super-smart, and flat-out funny. I loved the relationship that we had.

While I’m still trying to grasp everything that has happened - I honestly can't tell my grief for Stephanie and Keith apart. My ocean of grief just seems stronger, bigger and angrier. The only thing I think that could be worse than your own grief, is seeing people you deeply love and care for, lose their husband and father. I see them enduring the storm and the hurt, and I wish I could save them from it all. If only I could hold them tight enough and shield them from the pain. But I know I can't. Just like they couldn't for me. We have to walk this journey, and the grief we will feel is a testament of our love for them. The storm and the dark days are inevitable. However, we are not alone. We have each other, and most importantly, we have our Maker. God does let the sunshine break through for moments, hours, and sometimes days for a reprieve. We just have to learn to relish in those moments and cherish the beloved memories we have to carry us through until we meet again. It's hard to move forward in a world without two very important people at your side.

Two things drive me forward. The first is wanting to make them proud of me. I want to use the lessons that both Stephanie and Keith taught me everyday and be a better wife, daughter, employee, and friend. Second, I want to never stop telling their story, sharing who they are, and what they meant to me. 

   

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One last thing. With all that has happened, I really wanted my Lent to be more meaningful than ever. Thanks to a dear friend, I found one thing I definitely want to do. Every day I'm praying for one person's specific needs/requests. If you would like to be on my list, please let me know! You can add a comment on here, or PM me. I'd love to add you.